Seriously, if procrastination is a career, i would have climbed myself to a better spot right now. But, it is not. Attempting to finish this writing takes my whole energy that i have to constantly say to myself " You can do this Rizal." I have been struggling to write something beginning january this year, but, it seems that my weak will-power has gotten the best of me. RestNrilekS has been on MIA for a period of 8 months from my last post on Jun 29. A fact that i am not proud at all.
So, what have happened? A lot, and i am just going to write two insignificant stories.
STAY FOCUS AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF THOUGH THERE ARE TIMES YOU YOURSELF DOUBT YOURSELF.
Remember this post? Finally, on last year Ramadhan, just few days before Hari Raya, we received the jolly-golly good news. It was one of the sweetest moment of my life. Truly then i understood the meaning of "Manisnya Kehidupan". It took almost 1 1/2 years from our last heart crushing result. During that time, we had to go thru people who didn't believe us, people who kept thrashing instead of helping us and people who thought they were way better than us. Fortunately, they were few people who really believed and told us to be patient and have a little faith. Seriously, there were times when i, myself doubted everything what i was doing. At the end, the result just silenced all the nay-sayers. Results were excellent, in fact better (Awyeah, a way lot better) than the rest. I learn that, you have got to have friends and families when in doubt and feeling down. I learn that humility goes a long way. I learn that, you can only plan and hope for the best, and if things go sorrow, just keep trying. I learn that things are not going to be doomed forever. I am truly glad and feel that such experience is indeed a blessing. I know now, if things are not going to be as expected, don't despair. There are always ways here and there for you to overcome.
We celebrated Hari Raya that day with joy. I even met with my childhood friends at the mosque of whom we had not seen each other for almost 8 years. I went visiting a lot more people that year. I visited my adopted mother of whom i hadnt visited for 3 years. I felt happy and felt that people were nicer that year.
IT WAS GREAT AND I THOUGHT THE HAPPINESS WOULD LAST FOREVER.
Well, not forever, but at least a whole lot longer. Yes, you can plan, but you are not the administrator of your life.
On October 2011, i received a call from my sister in law telling me my brother was hospitalized. I had not expected what to come after that. Later an emotional journey followed. On December 20, i lost my brother to a stage four cancer. Two months proved to be a grueling life experiences both financially and emotionally. My brother was in and out of hospital almost every week. Doctors couldn't decided what was wrong with him. He was getting weak and weaker. More than 10 x-rays were done during that time. CT scan was done. We went running here and there, hoping for cure. We tried all sorts of medicines, modern, traditional, islamic and alternatives. I kept what was happening to just a few of my closed friends. Somehow, during that moment, i knew that this was a losing battle but i didn't give up hope. Many times i had to comfort and slowtalk to my SIL. She had a hard time facing the truth. I said we needed to prepare if things didn't go as we hoped for. It was hard breaking the news to my nieces.
We kept praying asking for ALLAH to ease and show us the ways. On december 7, the hospital did a biopsy and later, a group of experts consulted my late brother privately. One doctor hugged my brother and pat him. We later knew that it was a stage four cancer. Funny, at the end of the two month period could only the doctor detected the cancer. As much i didn't like to say, i told my SIL, be prepared in a week time. The signs of "time was up" were all there. What saddened me, was the fact that my brother knew his time was up too. He would smile and telling me how i could try saving him, but nothing would matter if time was no longer on his side. And finally, on December 20, he breathed his last breath at the age of 44. Broke my heart to witness the sorrow of my father. First, his beloved wife, my mother, and then, his son, my brother. Al-Fatihah, may my brother soul rest in peace and be there among those beloved by ALLAH.
My brother's passing adds another valuable lesson in my life. Life is too valuable and short to be saddened by petty things in life. I wonder, have i done enough to touch other people's life? I am not talking about being Gandhi or something grandeur, but it will be nice to know that i contribute something during my short span of life.
I know I am not a good person but i ll try to be a better person this year.
I wish you all have a great day everyday.
Till Next Time,
Happy Gurl
